Look at Thesenuts!
You came here for one reason. Stop pretending you care about nutrition. Just put them in your cart and get out.
5k
Happy Customers
69 Disappointed Parents
50+
Nut Varieties
2 Varieties (Left & Right)
2
Years in Business
0 Refunds Given (We blocked them)
Why are we doing this?
Honestly, we don't know. Dis found a bag of walnuts in his car from 2019 and decided to make a website. We aren't passionate about snacking. We are passionate about taking your money. Please buy something so we can pay our legal fees.
Things you don't care about
We put pictures here so the page wouldn't look empty. Don't read this.
Too many options
Seriously, just pick one. We don't have all day. It's a nut. How hard can this be?
Gifts for enemies
The perfect way to say, 'I spent money on this, and I hate you.' Guaranteed to disappoint.
Lies about Health
Are these healthy? We don't know. We are not doctors. Dis ate a whole bag and passed out for 4 hours. You decide.
The privilege of paying us
Experience the joy of giving us your money from the comfort of your own sad, lonely couch.
Contact us
Telephone: 1-800-THESE-NUTS
E-mail: yomamasuck@thesenuts.org
Address: Unit 2 (The Damp One), 69 Sackville Blvd, The Internet. P!0I-